Ever meet a cab driver so magnificently macabre, you just give him 5 stars on the Uber app for giving you delightfully wicked tales of his times as a cab guy in the great city of Nairobi?
Let’s visit Kyungu’s (not his real name) world together.Embed from Getty Images
“Msifanye hiyo ukora yenu hapa!”, he barked at his first fare for the night. Kyungu gripped the steering wheel so hard, his alter ego, Jesse was afraid it would snap. He was tired of these barbie types he ferried in his shiny cab nowadays. Some passengers thought he operated a mobile boarding and lodging. The two goofs in the back immediately drew apart like they’d been slapped with icicle cold water from a bucket.
Earlier that night, some drunk girl from Buru had thrown up in the back and he’d made her clean it when they got to her destination, somewhere at a house party in Westlands. You know, sometimes he wished he wasn’t a cab guy. But then, he reasoned, where would the spice of life come from? Just yesterday, he had carried a sprightly little girl who talked too much, even he was unable to get a word in edge-wise.
He remembered that one time in South C when he was carjacked for the first time. He had been delaying getting his car fuelled that night so just as he dropped off his late night client, his fuel light reared it’s ugly head. On the drive over, he couldn’t remember where he had seen an open station and the hairs on the back of his neck bristled angrily against his collar. He had a bad feeling about this side of town. To top it all off, there was a black probox that just wouldn’t dim it’s lights.
A shrill voice interrupted his daydream. One of his raunchy passengers was informing him he’d passed their turn off. Kyungu stomped on the brake pedal furiously and swerved around and proceeded to glare in his rear view mirror.He just couldn’t wait to drop off these two. Hopefully he’d have a passenger waiting not too far off from this drop.
As the car drew to a stop outside a metallic, grey gate in one of the posh estates in Lavington, Kyungu sat expectantly in his seat. “Si utatuchill hapa, tunatoka sasa hivi, ni ganji tunachukua, tukuje tukukanje.”